Dark Nights and Sleeplessness: A Shadow Side of Giftedness

I have had a number of  students who are gifted identify that a lack of sleep has impacted their ability to cope emotionally to the stress of the classroom, reporting having thoughts that would not let them drift off. My heart aches for those whose imagination and emotional sensitivities render them particularly vulnerable when the hurts of the day run away the dark side of the imagination at night. Are gifted students more prone to this struggle? A study completed by Harrison and van Haneghan (2011) utilized a Likert scale to measure insomnia and the OEII questionaire to measure overexcitabilities in two different populations of students, one identified as gifted. In the study, “the imaginational overexcitability and emotional overexcitability were significantly related to insomnia” and that “giftedness had a significant relationship to insomnia”(p.686). Although the study recognized many limitations in that there were many factors that were not considered in what might be responsible for the anxiety the students were experiencing, it does offer insight into my own observations.

There are several strategies that I have used to support these intensely emotional and highly imaginative individuals. The first is to never downplay the emotions, even if the incident that created it appears insignificant. I have had conversations around the idea that not everyone experiences emotions to the same degree and that the intensity can take us to very positive realms as well so learning to accept and understand them as part of ourselves is important. Understanding that not everyone shares the intensity can also assist in mediating what might be seen as harmful intent on the part of others. The second is to focus on the virtue that might be driving the emotion. Sometimes it is our sense excellence, compassion or justice that can in part be responsible for intense reaction to something that does not honour that aspect of ourselves. Calling on virtues like flexibility, detachment and mercy can help us move beyond being stuck in that emotion. A third strategy has been to let the imagination go wild. Dream up fantastic tales about ways our super-hero alter-ego deals with the problem in another realm. Amazingly enough, they often help us find solutions in this one.

Are these cures for insomnia? The study itself recommends that in addition to individuals gaining better insight into their giftedness that “relaxation techniques and mediation could address the actual physiological aspects involved in insomnia” as well as afternoon exercise and ” having a ritual of reading at night right before bedtime have proven to be quick solutions for insomnia for some gifted students” (p. 690). To explore more issues around sleep, please check out more posts on Hoagies Gifted Blog Hop by clicking here or on the graphic below.


HARRISON, GE; VAN HANEGHAN, JP. The Gifted and the Shadow of the Night: Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities and Their Correlation to Insomnia, Death Anxiety, and Fear of the Unknown. Journal for the Education of the Gifted. 34, 4, 669-697, June 1, 2011. ISSN: 0162-3532.


The Gift of Stories and The Gift of Listening To Them

Every day I learn so much from children. It can be very humbling to get down on the floor beside them and get a small glimpse into their worlds. This week, in a kindergarten classroom, a young five year old reminded me of the many stories that children bring to our classrooms that impact their ability to demonstrate their learning.

They were working on learning to write the number of the day, the number seven. “Across the sky and down from heaven, that is how you make a seven,” the teacher chanted as she demonstrated it for the class. As I walked around the classroom seeing how they were doing, I noticed one little boy refusing to make the number. When he saw me watching him, his brow furrowed in defiance.

“Do you need help?” I asked. He frowned at me again before saying, “I hate seven!” I was surprised. “You hate seven?” I said, “I thought seven was everybody’s lucky number.”

“I hate it! My sister is seven and she gets everything and I am only five and I get nothing!” At this point the tears started to form.

“What do you mean?” I asked, “Does she get all the toys?” He nodded. “Does she get to do things that you don’t get to?” He nodded again. “I was the youngest child too,” I told him, “and sometimes I hated waiting to do all the things that my older siblings got to do. Do you think when you turn seven that it will be your turn?”

“It won’t,” he shouted, “because she will always be two years older than me. When I am six she will be eight and when I am eight, she will be ten!” He slid under his chair in frustration.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I asked. He nodded as he peeked out at me from under the chair. “Now that I am so old, it’s kind of nice to be the youngest. All of my siblings wish they were young like me.” I finally saw the shadow of a smile. “I have an idea,” I said, “what if you went home tonight and showed her that even though she’s seven and you’re five, you know how to make a seven?”

“I can’t,” he said, tearing up again. “She doesn’t live with me anymore.” It was a heartbreaking moment.

Brene Brown (2017) in her book Braving the Wilderness writes that “pain will only subside when we acknowledge it and care for it” (p.66) and if left unattended has the potential to become anger and over time, rage. As I sat on the floor of that classroom, surrounded by young children, each bearing their own stories and worries, I wondered about acts of defiance, their connections to deeper stories and how easy it can be to make assumptions each step of the way as we try to figure it out. Because on the other side of the defiance are those looming agendas, things that need to get done, like learning how to write a number.

Later in the book, Brene Brown interviews actor Viola Davis who tells her “There’s an unspoken message that the only stories worth telling are the stories that end up in history books” (p. 86). I know that I am swimming in stories and I don’t always take the time or have the opportunity to listen and truly pay attention. Viola goes on to say, “We are all worthy of telling our stories and having them heard. We all need to be seen and honored in the same way that we all need to breathe.” I am drawn back to thinking about acts of defiance, the stories behind them, and wonder how they would look differently if we saw them as fighting for breath? Am I listening now?

One of my all time favorite books is The Truth About Stories: A Native Narrative written by Thomas King. In it he wonders whether Sir Isaac Newton’s quote “To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction” might have been better scribed as “To every action there is a story” (pp. 28-29). I know I will hold the story of the number seven in my heart for many reasons, one of which is the need to share it. If you’ve taken the time to read it, thank-you for that gift. I would like to leave you with my favorite quote from King’s book, one that shows up in various forms at the end of each chapter.

Take [this] story for instance. It’s yours. Do with it what you will. Tell it to friends. Turn it into a television movie. Forget it. But don’t say in the years to come that you would have lived your life differently if only you had heard this story.      You’ve heard it now. (King, p. 29).

I hope you have many opportunities to share and listen to stories this holiday season.

Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. New York: Random House.

King, T. (2003). The truth about stories. Toronto, ON: Anansi.

Misdiagnosis: What We See and What We Don’t

It has been very humbling for me to attend a drawing class with my teenage daughter. The instructor tells me that it is harder for me (the old one) to see the pear we are drawing because my mind wants to draw what it thinks a pear looks like. Look for form he tells me. Recognize and mark the edges. Notice the shadows and the light.  Consider values as you begin to shade it in. Two hours and 20 sketches later, I think I am making progress. When I get stuck in my “way of seeing” he will ask if he can take a turn and I  watch to see which forms he draws, where he makes his marks and how he approaches shading.  I am startled to see things on his picture that I hadn’t seen myself and when I look back at the pear, I realize they were always there. How could I have missed it? He tells me that he has been learning to see what he is drawing for years.

Having worked with gifted children for 14 years of my career, I have come to understand that for many it can be hard to “see” children who are gifted. There are plenty of archetypes that that can inform understanding as well as varying definitions that can predispose us in a particular way and so it isn’t surprising when people are confused or frustrated by what it means and doesn’t mean to be labelled “gifted”. I was reminded of this the other day when a colleague sent me a link to the video Rethinking Giftedness. In it, Stanford students reflect on the impact the gifted label had on them, and their responses were primarily negative. The video makes a very compelling argument about the danger of labels for both students who are gifted and those who are not and it is easy to be drawn in to the argument that we should focus on a growth mindset as opposed to gifts which makes perfect sense…if you think giftedness is about achievement.

It is important to note that I do not doubt the veracity of the statements and observations shared by the students in the video, in fact I applaud their courage in sharing their insights. Their struggles are very real and I have seen them reflected in many of my  students. Part of what I try to do is help students understand what giftedness is and what it is not because many of the students who are referred to me are referred because they are struggling; the label simply gives us some insight into what might be the nature of that struggle. But if they or the people in their lives don’t understand the many “forms and shades” of giftedness, the label can create all kinds of problems. Does that mean we should stop identifying and supporting these children? If we don’t “identify” the giftedness they can often be “misdiagnosed” with other labels: behavior problem, superstar, rude,  immature, rocket scientist, arrogant, brainiac, annoying, intense, over-emotional, lazy… many of which I know can be just as problematic and fail to “see” what might really be going on. Having the label gives us another way of “seeing” them, if we understand what the label means in all of its complexity. But there is a point in the film that is well made- the label should not be the identifier. Children who are gifted are first and foremost human beings, just like everyone else, wonderfully unique in their own individual way, who may or may not be achievement oriented.

For other insights into misdiagnosis, please check out some of these fine posts here or click on the link below:


Anxious about the future? Exploring the past might help.

I have always loved stories about Robin Hood. I watched every movie that came out, read every version of the book I could find; even took up archery. I don’t know what I loved more, the humour in the stories or the clever ways with which Robin always managed to get the best of Sheriff of Nottingham. Either way, the underlying theme of justice and fairness in the various versions of these folktales spoke to me and have very likely permeated my worldview with respect to how I view wealth, power and oppression.

So it was quite a pleasant surprise this summer when hiking up to the Trifels castle above Durnstein, Austria, I discovered that this was the place where Richard the Lionheart was held for ransom by King Leopold V around 1193-94, the era from which the Robin Hood stories emerge. The view of the Danube from the top of the hill was beautiful and for a moment I was able to transport myself back in time and imagine I was seeing the world through King Richard’s eyes. Would captivity have made him immune to the beauty of the place? A song he wrote at the time might give us the impression that he was.

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As I made my descent back down the worn steps on the steep face of the hill, I was struck by the permanence of the rock and the fleetingness of life and wondered how many people had made their way up and down the pathway over the centuries: royalty, clergy, soldiers, peasants, merchants, slaves…tourists? Did their breath catch in their chest as the trees parted to expose another extraordinary view? Or were their eyes cast down, under the weight of some burden? Did they see the castle as an amazing feat of architecture? Strategic military installation? A monument to oppression? Could they have imagined how much the world would change around it or what meaning would still cling to it (or not) 900 years later?

These questions surfaced at many of the other museums, cathedrals, castles, galleries and bridges that we explored as we journeyed through in Austria, Germany and Czechoslovakia. Many of the sites were hundreds of years old, others much less, yet each chronicled perspectives on what mattered- power, wealth, art, people- carved into stone, captured on canvas or cast in iron.  These tributes to bygone eras left us wondering about both the accomplishments and the suffering: “Did they matter and what do they mean now?”

As a reading companion on this journey I took the book Man’s Search for Meaning by Austrian neurologist, psychologist and holocaust survivor, Viktor E. Frankl. Having been held in four different concentration camps during WW II, his reflections come with insights that can only be acquired by someone who has experienced life with less than the bare essentials required for survival after being stripped of all the credentials and belongings that shaped his identify before his imprisonment. Seeing history through his lens of “transitoriness” challenges us to locate ourselves not in a deterministic past where things cannot be undone, but in the full potential of a future in which we can decide who we will aspire to be as quickly as our very next action. To that end he lays bare both the degree of man’s inhumanity to man as well as the power of hope to transform suffering into something meaningful.

It was hard not to be impressed by the amazing architecture, art and engineering that was present at every turn on our journey and at the same time feel the weight of the many who died in the creation and defence of not only these monuments but the philosophy and religion that flourished within and around them. Whose life had more meaning? The ones captured in the portraits hung in the galleries of the fortresses or the ones who carried the stones to build those same fortresses? We can speculate all we would like, but I believe Viktor Frankl would tell us that it would depend on the individual and the meaning they found in how they faced their challenges.

In the forward to Man’s Search for Meaning, Harold Kushner writes that Frankl’s most enduring insight is that “forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you” (p.11). Maybe that’s why I loved the Robin Hood stories so much- he didn’t give up after losing his land, title and wealth. While I would not advocate taking the law into your own hands, his response to stand up for fairness, justice and mercy continues to resonate centuries later.

Every era is rife with challenges and this point in history is no different. If we are not anxious about whether we can do better that our predecessors, knowing what we now know, then perhaps we don’t understand that who we are and how we respond to the world around us matters. Embracing that anxiety as part of the challenge of finding our life purpose and making meaning is important. While the future may judge us harshly as we fumble with trying to make the right or best decision, I think Viktor Frankl would tell us to aim high and to accept bravely the challenges that come with that. This video of him speaking in 1972 speaks to that point.

For  great perspectives on philosophical and spiritual anxiety, check out Hoagie’s Blog Hop by clicking here or on the icon below.


https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/mans-search-for-meaning/id476023633?mt=11 Retrieved, August 27, 2017.

Somewhere Between Boredom and Burnout…

There is a wonderful line in the 1998 movie Ever After when the Prince Henry, as he reflects upon his responsibilities as future king, says something to the effect “But if I care about one thing, I’ll have to care about everything…” It is a line that continues to resonate with me, years after first hearing it. The mind that connects an entire universe to the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings knows that engaging in that one thing may not be as simple as it appears.

I ponder if sometimes “I’m bored,” is not so much a statement of one’s state of mind as  putting off or pondering which universe to dive into.The one you can manage? The one that will feed your soul? The one that might just swallow you whole? Or the one that won’t lead you into what can become inevitable burn out as you attempt to explore it in its entirety? When this universe jumping is coupled with a deep sense of caring, careful consideration is crucial or burnout is inevitable.

As I get older, I find I can distinguish between them a little better but that was not always the case. Plus, it can be hard to make any kind of decision, let alone the right one,  if I get distracted. And there are a LOT of distractions.

So perhaps being bored, is not such a bad thing, especially when there are options to consider. Sometimes the distractions can help us find our way but I am always surprised where my and my children’s explorations will take us when we get the chance to be bored and aren’t focused on keeping ourselves distracted. Summer is a great time to “let go” and occasionally get bored as well as distracted but by the time it ends, we tend to get a better idea of what thing will not only connect us to everything, but feed our soul and perhaps not swallow us whole. (*Spoiler Alert: by the end of the movie Prince Henry is building a university and fraternizing with gypsies…) 

For more perspectives on boredom and burn out from an amazing group of bloggers, follow this link or click on the icon below!

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Contemplation or Overthinking? Weighing in with Dabrowski

Google the word “overthinking” and you will find advice from how to stop obsessing about your latest crush to ways to make a decision when you are worrying too much about getting things “wrong”.  Overthinking can not only be agonizing, but it can stop us in our tracks as we perseverate over a decision, a seemingly insignificant incidence or a project that we must complete. But does overthinking always deserve the bad rap that it gets? If we look at the work of psychologist Kazimierz Dabrowski  regarding the role and importance of contemplation in self-education we get a different perspective on this topic as well as some unique insight into how to support the overthinker in your life.

In his book, Personality Shaping Through Positive Disintegration, Dabrowski wrote about the conditions and aides for the facilitating the development of personality. While I hesitate to simplify his very broad work into the many aspects of personality development, I think he did caution us not to underestimate the importance of contemplation in the development of who it is we would like to become in the face of the world we encounter.

What are a couple of examples of contemplation that he shares? A young child insisting on “doing it by themselves” and digging in their heels over what appears to be a simple task might be an early signal of this desire to shape oneself. Who knows the thought process that might be going on as they stand up in defiance? The teen agonizing over what might seem insignificant, retreating into their room for an inordinate amount of time might signal another essential part of this journey. Understanding one’s inner thoughts and guiding values requires contemplation; time and space where one can consider the demands of the world and work out one’s principles of action. Try as we might as educators or parents to “solve” or “simplify” the situation, it is important to remember that self-education through contemplation and solitude are key aspects in the development of personality even when we see what appears to be anxiety and obsession. Yet that doesn’t mean that we leave them completely on their own.

Dabrowski referred to a number of “aids’ that facilitate the development of personality that support the contemplation process: access to libraries, museums, theaters and scientific institutions. Dabrowski was drawn to and moved by the works of great artists like Michelangelo, Van Gogh, Camus, Faulkner and Ghandi and believed that exposure to new ideas, thoughtful discussion and creative works can often stimulate not only personality development, but one’s own creativity. Learning about the lives and thoughts of these “greats” gives perspective and can demonstrate how many of these individuals struggled to find their unique voice or contribution.

Dabrowski also highlighted the importance of an adviser. Someone with an understanding of philosophical and psychological development as well as a clear ideal and hierarchy of aims for his or her own personal development.  An adviser should know their own shortcomings and acknowledge that they are also on a journey of becoming. A relationship built upon mutual respect and understanding of what it means to live to your highest values can make a big difference in how we navigate our difficult inner world.  (pp. 149-153) *It is important to note here that Dabrowski dedicated considerable time in the book to who would be a good adviser with the understanding that there are several levels to personality development and degrees of anxiety.  Some can be supported by teacher or parent mentors while others may need the support of professional psychotherapists.

So is overthinking always counterproductive? I know that many things that have kept me awake at night have eventually found their way into my resolve to do things differently next time. Overthinking often signals something that is out of alignment and it takes time to figure out what that is…sometimes days or even longer. As I begin to overthink this particular post and whether it has met its aims I realize that this is but one perspective…it’s a good idea to check out more thoughts on this topic from my fellow bloggees at April Blog Hop by clicking on this link or the image below.


Multipotentiality is not the problem.

In a world where specializations are revered, multipotentiality can be perceived as much a burden as a gift. This paradox is reflected in the old adage “Jack of all trades, master of none…” that has dodged many a multipotentialite.  Apparently the full version includes a second part “…is sometimes better than one” which only reinforces the mixed blessing of having many talents.  One would think that having many venues/opportunities through which to experience life would be optimum, so what stands in the way?


“She wants to do everything,” a mother tells me, “but now that she’s in the higher grades there just isn’t enough time for her to do everything the way she wants to do it.” This is a worry that has been shared with me more than once by concerned parents. Fitting it all into a busy schedule can be a source of considerable stress. As a teacher I’ve been able to support students with this by helping them learn how to be creative in a smaller space with the use of clear expectations and parameters. “Show me you understand this concept by only using…” rather than leaving it so open-ended that they feel compelled to show you everything they know on the topic. I have also had to meet with other teachers to coordinate assignments and homework so as to not overburden a student who has  extra-curricular obligations that are important to them.


It begins in junior high. If you take music or French you have fewer options because they are full year courses. If you take both, you don’t get to take any other options. Once you get to high school, there are only so many spots in your schedule and if you want to go on to university you need to make sure you’ve focused on your academic courses. “Why not let them explore Foods and Computer Sciences and Drama?” I asked one parent. “Who said that you have to finish high school in three years?” Or a student might need to take fewer high school courses each year so they can continue to perform/compete in music or sports. They don’t have to cut things out…they might just need more time. Having a chance to explore all your options while still in high school only makes sense.


Many believe that pursuing excellence requires our undivided attention. Whether it’s the ten thousand hours that Malcolm Gladwell speaks of in his book Outliers or the number of pages you have in your CV, there is no doubt that commitment plays an instrumental role in achieving excellence. “I feel that as I am committing myself to a particular field of studies, I am losing other parts of myself,” one former student shared with me, worried that diving into a specialized science program would preclude her from fully participating in her passion for politics, social justice and the arts. But is this truly the case? If we dive deep enough, with our eyes open, eventually we see that all things are connected. Excellence in a particular area gives us a unique lens with which to observe and interact with other aspects of the world and can sometimes serve up unexpected opportunities. The path you’re on can change and will likely change and if you keep your eyes open things can get REALLY interesting.


“But if he pursues the arts, he’ll always be poor and I know what that’s like and I don’t want that for him,” one parent tells me, “he’s got so many other talents.”  My parents had the same worry for me. “Have something to fall back on,” they said, and for many years I wondered how my life would have been different if I had thrown caution to the wind. Money can govern many of our choices whether it be “What can I afford to study?” or “How much money will I make when I am done?” or “I’ve got the marks to apply this scholarship…” I sometimes wonder if our focus with our students and children was on who they want to be as people versus what they want to do, how that would influence their choices.  When education focuses on how the system can serve the economy, our multipotentialites can lose their greatest gift, insight into the importance of all talents and the importance of valuing them all.

For more insights into multipotentiality check out Hoagies’ Blog Hop by following the link below.


Educational Alternatives: Many Paths to Greatness

I have just started reading Scott Barry Kaufman’s book Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined: The Truth About Talent, Practice, Creativity, and the Many Paths to Greatness. I really enjoy reading books that challenge my understanding and conceptions of giftedness because it is such a controversial label and I am curious to see how others engage with it. With this book just reading the cover intrigues and perplexes me. I am intrigued to see what he means by “intelligence redefined” as someone who not only regularly reviews assessments and identifies students, but works with these same students over a number of years. And I am perplexed by  the final phrase in the title “and the Many Paths to Greatness.” This to me suggests, perhaps without intending to, that greatness should be our goal.

The book begins with his own school story, one that he has shared on this Ted Talk entitled from Evaluation to Inspiration.   Suffering from a central auditory processing disorder brought on by numerous ear infections as a young child, he was labelled learning disabled and relegated to special education classes until the 9th grade. It was then, that he finally felt “seen” by a substitute teacher which inspired him to advocate for himself thus changing the course of his academic career. Now with a PhD in cognitive psychology specializing in creativity, he explores the world of neuroscience to see whether there are genetic links to creativity and intelligence as well as the connection between nature and nurture. In the first few chapters, he explores the history of cognitive assessments, their limitations and their power to impact the lives of many children. The interplay of many elements; DNA, environment, self efficacy and opportunity all contribute to our future success, as do the many  genetic triggers and environmental obstacles that are yet to come. The message to the education system is clear: while the information on tests can be valuable, resist labels and find opportunities to inspire as there are many factors impacting our intellectual and creative growth.

I think what makes the educational journey so difficult for both teachers and parents is that the path to greatness is so personal and undefined and at any moment can spin on a dime. Is success somewhat predicated on the unexpected? Overcoming an obstacle can be a defining moment: would Kaufman be writing this book and conducting this research without the “inspiration” of his school experience? Other obstacles can change our trajectory entirely: my mother compelled to leave her home at fourteen and be schooled in another language, culture and country away from her family. Terry Fox diagnosed with cancer and mobilizing an entire nation while running to find a cure.

One cannot help but have great hopes for the children with whom we share and who will eventually inherit the world and therefore it is good that worry about their education. As parents we fear not doing enough to support them as much as we worry about not expecting enough and so what happens in school can create tremendous worry and have us constantly searching for educational alternatives and “better” ways to teach and learn. Living and working where I do, I know that these intentions drive our system, even though it may not always be visible and may still miss the mark for many.  In the Epilogue (yes I sometimes skip right to the back of the book before reading the whole thing) Kaufman goes to see the substitute teacher, now a middle school principal, to acknowledge her for the impact she had on his life on one single day in Grade 9, simply by “seeing” him. Perhaps that is the most important message in his book-the impact we can have on one another when we look beyond behaviors, labels and expectations and see our students and others in the world as they are-full of potential. I am looking forward to reading the rest of the book to see what Kaufman means by greatness and whether that too has been redefined.

Proud to be a part of Hoagies Gifted blog hop. Click on the icon below for more musings on this topic!






Why Do We All Need to Know More About Executive Functions?

Executive functions consist of those mental processes that allow us to participate fully in a variety of roles and relationships through planning, focusing and remembering while controlling our impulses and working systematically to achieve goals. There is an expectation that students arrive at school with a number of these skills already developed, enabling them to participate in a group learning environment. While children generally begin developing these skills at a very young age in their homes with their families, the development of these functions continues through adolescence.

The relationship between giftedness and executive functioning is an interesting one. Some studies have shown that math abilities correlate significantly with executive functioning with some variances. (Rebecca Bull and Gaia Scerif, 2010.) Other studies find a correlation between executive functioning and achievement. (St. Clair-Thompson and Gathercole, 2010.) In gifted education we know that cognitive abilities do not guarantee academic achievement and underachieving gifted students-could this be related to struggles with executive functions in some cases? In his work, Re-examining the Role of Gifted Education and Talent Development for the 21st Century, Joseph Renzulli speaks to the necessity of talent and cognitive development going hand in hand with what he calls the “character strengths” of executive functions. These are developed through addressing novel situations that require children to draw on and develop these skills for success. But what does this look like in practice?

A week ago I was working with three gifted 8 year olds on one of the Destination Imagination challenges. Designed to foster curiosity, courage and creativity, I use this program not only as a means to challenge my students to solve novel and complex problems, but to create scenarios where I can help them cultivate their virtues (gifts of character) as they learn project management skills and collaboration. They were trying to solve an instant challenge that involved building a tower within specific parameters when things fell apart. Two of the students took over the task while the third withdrew with tears streaming down his face. I quietly acknowledged that I saw his tears and sat with him while we waited for the other two students to complete the task.

After measuring the height of their structure we began debriefing the teamwork part of the challenge at which point they acknowledged that it had not gone well and that there had been some conflict. I spoke to them about conflict arising when there is a difference in  the individual interests in carrying out a task and asked each of them what had been important to them as they were working on the challenge.

“To do it right,” the boy with tears responded.

“That would be the virtue of excellence,” I said, writing the word on the board.

“To work on it together,” responded the girl who had taken the structure away from the boy.

“That sounds like the cooperation virtue is important to you,” I said, writing it on the board beside excellence.

The third student responded that they were frustrated because the boy had not explained to them what he was doing before starting to build the solution.

“You needed understanding,” I said, writing that virtue on the board. “Now look at the things causing your conflict. They are all virtues. Are they important virtues to nurture on your team?” All three nodded. “So how can we get these virtues working together?” I asked.

After some discussion they agreed that communication was important and also came to understand that communicating with words was sometimes difficult for the boy. After we agreed that this was something we would work on together they were ready to move on. We had an incredibly productive morning and this new understanding continued the next time we met.

What really touched me about this incident was the ability of these children to see the virtues in each others actions despite the fact that they had really struggled. It empowered them to understand themselves and each other better as they moved forward to complete more tasks successfully.

“Children aren’t born with these skills[executive functions]—they are born with the potential to develop them.” -Centre on the Developing Child, Harvard University

This statement reflects the premise guiding the Virtues Project as well-that children are born in potential and as with anything that is “in potential”-seeds, executive functions, virtues, habits… require certain conditions to grow and develop. Those of us privileged to work with and parent children need to understand our role in creating those conditions and not give up when we don’t see in some children what may seem innate in others as it is an opportunity to play our part in their development.

“Providing the support that children need to build these skills at home, in early care and education programs, and in other settings they experience regularly is one of society’s most important responsibilities.” -Centre on the Developing Child, Harvard University

For more insight on this topic check out the overview video at the Centre on the Developing Child-Harvard University  which does a brilliant job of explaining executive functioning and self regulation. The website itself highlights the relationship between working memory, mental flexibility and self-control and stresses the importance of children having opportunities to apply these skills in coordination with others. You can also learn more about executive functions at Hoagies Blog Hop by clicking here or on the icon below:


A Message from The Little Prince

This year I read the same book more than 10 times. I read it a chapter at a time with students ranging in ages from 8-14 and after each chapter we would take some time to reflect on what we had just read. Now the book, The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery lives in me like few other books ever have, not just because of the extraordinary story it contains, but also because of the incredible observations and insights that my students shared with me as we explored the provocative world of The Little Prince. I will admit as we drew near the end of the book I had some concerns about how they would interpret and respond to his return to his home on his star  , but I needn’t have worried. Antoine De Saint-Exupery was masterful in those closing chapters of his book about a boy who was often confused by our world but discovered and shared the secret to what is really important before taking his leave from it.

It is hard to describe what makes the book so brilliant. The complicated relationship between the little Prince and his rose. The all too familiar caricatures floating about on their own planets that he meets on his way to earth. The lesson the fox delivers about the beauty and heartache of being tamed. The people on trains going nowhere very quickly or the salesclerks and their frightening “water” pills. But I believe what touched me the most about this book was the relationship between adults and children and the lessons and truths we share with one another consciously and unconsciously on a daily basis. If there is an argument to be made for mindfulness and deep reflection in a time of great uncertainty, this is it.

In a year of many departures, this book is also a source of comfort. I first found it here in an exchange between he Little Prince, with hair the colour of wheat, and the fox.

“So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near–

Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.”

It is your own fault,” said the little prince. “I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .”

Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince.

Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

Then it has done you no good at all!”

It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”

The Little Prince reminds us that every hello is accompanied by a goodbye, and when they happen too soon, especially in tragic circumstances, it is devastating. But to never have been tamed is equally or even more devastating so we take the risk over and over until our world is filled with reminders of both love and loss, each made more beautiful and painful by the presence of the other.

Earlier this year I was asked to write a song of healing when two young men made their departure too soon and I called upon Antoine De St. Exupery and The Little Prince for help. I didn’t know that before the end of the year I would need to listen to it again…more than once. So I thought I would post it here, in case anyone else is looking to the heavens for its newest star. May you find it with your heart.